ritual: any practice or pattern of behavior regularly performed in a set manner

rut: a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising

When you see or hear the word ritual what comes to mind? Holidays? Religion? Family? Vacations?

My mom’s death in 2011 upended most of my rituals. She was the queen of ‘this is what you do when…’ and while my poor dad tried his best to maintain the ritual traditions (until his death last year), they’ve never been the same. And why was I holding on to ‘same’? Holding on to the impossible? Thankfully, I’ve finally let that shxt go!

Everything must change,

Nothing stays the same.

Everyone must change

Nothing stays the same.

The young become the old,

Mysteries do unfold.

‘Cause that’s the way of time...
(Songwriter: Benard Ighner © Universal Music Publishing Group)

It can be harrrrrd to let go of what can no longer be or what no longer serves us. The more I thought about my now being an adult orphan, the more I began to see ‘new’ instead of only loss. In examining and reassessing rituals, habits, traditions, etc., I’m struck by how close the definitions of ritual and rut are to each other. What I’m finding is that many of them are ‘shoulds’ that I’m more than happy to let go:

• Mr. Washington and I have very different temperature preferences in hotel rooms and instead of our both being miserable, we either get adjoining rooms or a suite with multiple rooms and bathrooms so we can dress in comfort.
• The church that most aligns with my spiritual, cultural, and political beliefs is a Baptist church in Alexandria, VA (it’s had female deacons since the ’70s!). YAYYY for live streaming.
• I’m in the third year of renting a vehicle. Originally it was because my car died, we were planning to leave the country, and I didn’t want to purchase and then store a car. Family illnesses kept us stateside and now I do it because I LOVE driving with no maintenance accountability.

What ruts are you stuck in that are clothed in habit, ritual, tradition, or shoulds and oughts?? Make a list and assess. One of my favorite things to do with my clients is bust through one of their ‘shoulds’ they accept as fact. And let me tell you, if you want to drop some weight, release your shoulds aka shxt.

#LetThatShxtGo! #ItsYourTime #MidlifeManifest

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