Ep #27: (Part 1) 20 Lessons for 2020

I had a client recently who, it turns out, has been taking note of a lot of the things I have said to her. She carries them around to remind herself of them when she needs a little reminder. So, I thought I’d do the same for you today.

We are entering a new decade, and it’s time to make sure we are living the best way we know how. No more apologizing for going after what you want and no more putting everyone else first. This is our decade, mavens.


Join me on the podcast this week for the first 10 of my 20 lessons for the decade of 2020. I apply these lessons in everything I do in life, and I hope this episode encourages you to think about your own lessons that you can tailor for yourself.

I am announcing the final winner in my drawing for the choice between 90 minutes of coaching or a $100 spa gift certificate, so this is your last chance to enter the competition by leaving me a rating and a review on Apple Podcasts. 

What You’ll Learn:

  • Why you should never be afraid to ask for what you want and deserve.
  • The only person that is holding you back from achieving whatever it is you desire.
  • Why there is nothing selfish about loving yourself.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

  • To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m giving away five a 90-minute coaching session with me OR a $100 gift card to the spa of your choice! Click here find out how to enter the drawing!
  • Download the Tolerations Checklist so you can clear out what you don’t want and feel lighter, freer, and happier.
  • The first 10 of my 20 René-isms (stay tuned for episode 28 for the final 10!):
    • The NOs I receive mean I’m asking. The mistakes I make mean I’m attempting. The response? The consequence? That’s God’s business.  
    • Fearlessness isn’t being devoid of fear; it’s fearing less enough to take that one move closer to what you want. Do it afraid. The only thing that’s EVER held me back is me holding myself back!
    • You cannot fix what you will not face. Create the life you want to celebrate, not the life you want to escape.
    • It’s true: Life is what you make it. We have choice. I choose Magnificence!
    • Give up that mortgage on that street called lack. Free your mind. Your life will follow.
    • If your mind’s not right, your life jumps the track. Daily mindset vigilance is required.
    • First right mind is ALWAYS best right mind. Don’t let a second guess prevent your first action.
    • Love, Grace, & Mercy…I require it. I extend it. 
    • Daily rest…Daily pleasure…are benchmarks of successful living, not bonuses.

Welcome to Midlife Woman Redefined, a podcast for women near retirement who are ready to step into a new chapter of freedom, travel, and fulfillment. If you’re ready to focus on figuring out who you are and what you really want, this is the place for you. Here’s your host, master certified life coach, travel addict, and midlife maven, René Washington.

Hello, I am C. René Washington, master certified life coach and your midlife maven, here for another episode of Midlife Woman Redefined. And today, I am talking about 20 lessons for the 20s. And I was inspired to capture these lessons from a coaching session that I had with one of my clients.

I wrote a blog about this because, in the midst of one of our sessions, she held up a piece of cardboard that she had written a quote of something I said to her. And she said, “I write these down so that I can carry them around with me to remind myself of them.”

And it got me thinking about, I’ve been talking about how excited I am about the 20s, 2020, this new year, a new decade. And I started thinking about what do I want to carry into this new decade? And the interesting thing about her writing those quotes from me down, she called them René-isms.

And as I said in the blog, they really are client-isms because the way I coach is very intuitively. I’m deeply listening to what you’re saying as the client. And I really am operating as a mirror for you so that you can truly see yourself, truly hear yourself. Because as I talk about, I have come to know from my own life, from the work I’ve done with clients, that we, as women, get to a point where we have to redefine who we are, Midlife Woman Redefined.

And knowing who you are is the key to knowing what you want. And that’s how you know how to move into getting it. And so I thought this would be a good time to pause, 25 episodes in, moving into a new decade, to talk about what Midlife Woman Redefined is really about. And it’s about messaging. It’s about mindset. It’s about us reclaiming and owning the essence of who we are.

And as I say, midlife yes, there’s a chronological view of what midlife is, and chronologically, since most women live maybe into their 80s, so you would say midlife, chronologically, is in the 40s, starts in the 40s, but really, for me, midlife is a state of mind.

It’s a state of mind of having the confidence and believing in yourself enough to know that whenever you decide to reinvent, redefine, you can do it. and throughout this year, I will be highlighting many women who have done just that. And they are at all ages and stages of life, well into their 80s, some of these women; just amazing women who are not sitting on life, who are not telling themselves, I’m too old for this, it’s too late for this.

No, they are doing the thing whenever they feel the need and the desire to do. That’s what this podcast is about. That’s what this show is about; women who are staying in the game of life, who continuously put themselves out there, to live it full tilt.

So I wrote down 20 René-isms, which are 20 lessons that I believe that you will find yourself in these lessons, as I have. And I hope they inspire you to write down your own isms, your own lessons, because we’re going to do some amazing things in this decade. I’m just so excited about it.

So let’s get to it. That’s why I did not start out the podcast as I typically do, with a quote, because I’m about to take you through 10 quotes from moi. Number one, the nos I receive mean I’m asking. The mistakes I make mean I’m attempting. The response, the consequence, that’s God’s business.

I talk about divorcing yourself from outcome. Don’t be worried about how the thing is going to turn out. Just start moving yourself down the path. Don’t be afraid to ask. Don’t be afraid of making a mistake. We, as women particularly, are prone to that type of fear, that it’s not going to be good enough, we’re not going to be good enough, it’s not going to be right.

And I’m here to tell you, ain’t nobody going to die. Now, if you want to be a doctor or a surgeon, maybe there are some life consequences to your decisions, but you know what I‘m talking about. Don’t stop yourself from going after the dream, from the desire because you’re afraid of messing up, which connects to number two; fearlessness isn’t being devoid of fear. It’s fearing less enough to take that one move closer to what you want. Do it afraid.

Let me tell you, the only thing that’s ever held me back is me holding myself back, the only thing that’s ever held my clients back, them holding themselves back. I’m telling you, fearless does not mean devoid of fear. It means fearing less enough, just less enough to take that one step that moves you closer to what you truly want. Stop holding yourself back. Take the step.

Number three, you cannot fix what you will not face. Create the life you want to celebrate, not a life you want to escape. I know about being an ostrich. I know about burying your head in the sand. I know about burying your head under the covers. I’ve been there done that. I’ll probably find myself there again. But I pull my head out. I come out from under those covers and I have to deal with my crap. We have to do it, otherwise we stay stuck. We stay stuck in lives that make us miserable, unhappy, less than living. None of that for this decade.

Number four, it’s true, life is what you make it. We have choice. I choose magnificence. Why not? Why not choose the best for yourself? You deserve it. You have value. You are worthy. You can have it. We just need to choose it, and we always have a choice. We may not like our choices. Our choices may be difficult. But we have them. Make them, because on the other side of that pain, that fear, that mess, is your magnificence.

Number five, five up that mortgage on that street called lack. Free your mind and your life will follow. Or my favorite version, free your mind and your ass will follow. Stop living in scarcity thinking. Stop believing that there’s only so many slices to the pie. The pie is huge. The pie is bigger than you can envision. There’s enough pie for everybody, which connects to number six, if your mind’s not right, your life jumps the track. Daily mindset vigilance is required.

We have to get our minds right. And our minds, as I’ve talked about before, we’re pretty much programmed to see negativity first. We’re programmed to stay in a box. It’s a protection mechanism, and it’s okay. Be able to discern real fear from false fear. And most of the time, it’s false fear.

And the way that you override that, the way that you overcome it is the messaging, is mindset work. Mindset work is the foundation of the coaching that I do. It’s the foundation of how I live my life. I am continuously feeding myself good messaging because left to my own devices, I’m taking myself out of the game with negative messaging.

Number eight, love grace and mercy. I require it. I extend it. Grace and mercy are my two favorite words because I am continuously asking god for grace and mercy. And I purpose to stay out of judgment of others. Now, I’m human. We all judge, but I purpose to not live in judgment of other people. And I don’t do it in my coaching.

I provide a safe space for the women who work with me because I know, if I haven’t done this, I’ve done that. And that’s true for most of us. And self-love is foundational because the more I love myself, the more love I have to give to others. It’s not selfish to love yourself. I believe it’s self-full. The more I’m filled up with love and appreciation and respect for myself, then the more that I can see that in others and extend it to others.

Number nine, daily rest, daily pleasure are benchmarks of successful living, not bonuses. I struggle all the time with getting good rest because I love to stay up all night. But I have learned, I have learned how important it is, and particularly the older I get, the more rest that I require. And daily pleasure, you know, we have that dessert mentality, and that connects to pleasure, that it’s a sometimes thing, a weekend thing, a so many times a year thing.

No, daily. Daily rest regenerates our braincells, daily pleasure regenerates our souls. We should provide ourselves little moments of happiness every day, every day. It’s life-sustaining, like-fueling.

And number 10, deprivation is not a winning plan. Feed your body what it needs and loves and keep it moving. You’ve heard me talk about BARE. I’m a BARE woman and BARE is about loving yourself in all areas of your life. The foundational question of BARE is does this feel like love? IS this food I’m feeding myself, does that feel like I’m loving myself? Are these people that I surround myself with, does this feel like I’m loving myself? Does my home environment when I look around, does it make me feel like I’m loving myself? This media I’m consuming, does it make me feel like I’m loving myself? Am I moving my body in ways that makes me know that I love and respect this temple I’ve been blessed with?

When I go to the airport now, I see so many women, older women, who are in wheelchairs. Now, I don’t know all the reasons why. Maybe I’m just noticing it more because I’m older. But when I see that, it is a reminder to me that it is imperative that I do my part in keeping myself flexible and mobile. And that requires intention and purpose.

We’re in January, the month where gym memberships go up, diets, all kinds of diets are floating around. And I would just say, the word diet is just so self-descriptive. It is about deprivation and it is about dying it, diet, no. I don’t want to do something that has the word die in it. I want to live it, which is why I love BARE, because BARE is about living it.

It’s not about deprivation. It’s about tuning into your body and paying attention to what it’s telling you it wants. Our bodies are amazing, amazing works of art. And our body knows what it needs for fuel, for movement, for pleasure, for rest. Our body is continuously messaging us. We just need to learn how to listen, pay attention, and do the doggone thing.

It’s not about deprivation. It’s about living, living, full tilt. So those are the first 10. I hope that you found something meaningful in those lessons. And I hope they inspire you again to write down some of your own lessons. And I would love to hear your lessons, or even from the 10 that I’ve given you, what inspired you.

There are two ways you can do that. One, I hope, as always, that you take a few moments to rate and write a review. It doesn’t have to be long. But just let me know how the podcast is impacting you. We are going to do some wonderful things on the show this year and I love your feedback because this is for you.

You can also send me an email and I absolutely need you to do that when you rate and review because I a doing one more drawing for those who submit themselves in the rating and reviewing. And I need your email so that I know who to contact, so send me an email when you rate and review and you can also share in the email your lessons for the new decade or the lessons that I’ve given that you’ve found particularly meaningful.

And I am just, again, over the moon excited about this new year, this new decade. And we are going to be braver, bolder, better, mavens in this life. Remember, mavens are experts, and we are experts at living our best lives because living well is our only option. See you next week.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Midlife Woman Redefined. If you’re ready to learn more and reclaim your time, head over to crenecoach.com.

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