“What’s next, you know? I’m very good at choosing what needs to stay with me and what things need to be let go of. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in the moment and we don’t ever leave that moment, and that’s how some people get stuck. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard me say, comfort zones are where dreams go to die,” Actress Regina King.
Welcome to Midlife Woman Redefined, a podcast for women near retirement who are ready to step into a new chapter of freedom, travel, and fulfillment. If you’re ready to focus on figuring out who you are and what you really want, this is the place for you. Here’s your host, master certified life coach, travel addict, and midlife maven, René Washington.
I love me some Regina King, y’all. Hello, this is C. René Washington and we are here for a new episode of Midlife Woman Redefined. How are you doing? If you listened to the last episode, you know that we ended End Like You Want to Begin, that podcast series, and now we are moving into how to slay fear, false evidence appearing real fear.
Before we dive into that, we are going to celebrate. This is the moment in the show where we pause, take a moment to reflect on something that we’ve personally accomplished, something you’ve personally achieved that’s unique to you and that you can say, “Yes, I did that,” and celebrate it. I really want us to build that celebration muscle, that acknowledgment muscle. Because as women, we are so prone to look out and encourage and celebrate others and it’s hard for us to celebrate ourselves.
So this is the time for you to do that. I’m celebrating that I am moving to a four-day workweek. I am giving myself fun Fridays as my treat. And I try to do that, but somehow, it always kind of bleeds over into, “Well I could do that thing, well I’ll take that client, I’ll take that call, meet this person.” And after this Friday, no more of that.
Of course, every now and then, there may be some exceptions, but I am going to be really vigilant about keeping my Fridays as me time, hubby time, friend time, fun time. That’s what I’m celebrating.
Okay, so let’s dig a little more into this fear. And remember, yes, there are things to be afraid of in this world, but we are focusing on the false fears that keeps us stuck, keeps us in complacency, in comfort, and in ignoring that which is nudging us to bust loose, bust free, get free.
I met with a group of women and I talked to them about this false fear. And I asked them this question that I want you to really reflect on for the next week; what would you do if you weren’t afraid? What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
And when I asked them this question, they immediately knew what to write down. We know what we want to do. That’s not our struggle. And if you have some confusion around that, it’s probably because you are denying who you are. Once you tap into who you are at this particular stage of life, that’s how you know what you want.
And as I’ve said before, what I’ve found in working with women is that yes, you do know what you want, you just don’t believe you can have it. And I’m here to tell you, yes you can. I believe in you. I don’t even have to know you. If you’re listening to this show, I know that you want something better for your life and I believe you could have it.
So what is that thing? What is it? What’s that thing that’s been nudging at you, that won’t leave you be? One of my favorite books that I like to reference is the Wisdom of Menopause by Dr. Christiane Northrup and you will hear me say frequently, my favorite part in that book is when she talks about how we get to this stage of life and how we’ve been so accustomed to catering to other people’s needs and to making sure that our children are okay, that our significant others are okay, our partners, spouses that we’re showing up for, our parents, our jobs, our community.
And when we get to this stage of life, if you are feeling some distraction, some frustration, some resentment, it’s because what you’ve been suppressing now much be addressed. What’s been suppressed must be addressed, women. It must be addressed. It’s not going to leave you alone.
I ask again, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Would you quit your job? Would you create work that lights you up? Would you move to another city, another country? Would you end a toxic friendship or relationship, or just have that tough conversation and create some new boundaries? Would you get a divorce? Would you say yes to new loves?
Would you tell those grown children, “No, get out my wallet?” Or, “No, I’m not babysitting for you again.” And I’m not saying you just stop helping people in your life, but if it’s consuming you and if you’re feeling some resentment and frustration, tighter boundaries are begging to be drawn.
Would you release yourself from that commitment that is feeling so, so heavy? Would you stop dying your hair? Would you start dying your hair? Would you throw out those clothes that you know you will never fit in again and own and love the body that you have right now?
Would you risk the no by asking for what you really want? Would you let go of that whine you’ve been drinking with that old-ass cheese, you know, that old story that you play over and over in your head, that old story that you refuse to give up, that everybody around you can recite back to you with specificity because you whine about it so much?
That story that you’re telling yourself is the reason why you aren’t living the life that you want to live, that lie that you keep telling yourself. Are you willing to let that shit go?
So this is the big question for the day; what would you do if you weren’t afraid? It may be one thing; it may be several things. Write them down. And then, if it’s more than one, sit with each one to figure out what’s the big thing that you truly want to do that would just change everything if you could find the courage and the plan of making it come to reality.
What’s that thing? Sit with yourself on that. We’re going to do some work on that. And I want to hear from you. I’ve been thinking about this in regards to the show. How can I connect you in a real way?
And I have been so resistant to starting a Facebook group because I’ve done that before and that was a weight for me. But I do want to hear from you. I do want to connect to you.
And what I’d like you to do is email me. I want to hear from you. I want to hear what your fears are. I want this show to be as meaningful to you as possible.
Do you have money fears, relationship fears? Whatever they are, this is what the show is going to be geared towards because we are going to knock out all of these fears in 2020. I’m going to bring on experts, real life women who have gone through these things because I want you to break through the fear that’s been holding you back, the fear that’s been weighing you down, and start living that life you’ve been wanting to live.
It is time, women. It is time. So email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me know what your thing is that you would do if you weren’t afraid. Let me know anything you want to tell me about the show. Email me at email@example.com.
And I want to end this episode with a story that is still inspiring me of a woman who broke through her fear to do that thing. She had been wanting to do it for about 20 years. And that was to move out of her home.
She had been wanting to move out of her home for the longest time and to get new furniture, to just start over in a new living space. And while on the one hand that may not seem like such a big deal, the reason that it is a big deal is because this woman is 77 years old.
77 years old, which is an age that we would tell ourselves, you know, why move if we don’t have to? Typically, around that stage of life, if you’re moving, it’s because something has happened with your health and you have to move, you know, there’s some external thing that’s pushing you to move.
Not this woman. She is choosing to move. And not just move, but to get rid of all of her old stuff and get completely new stuff. I just love that so much. Oh I love that so much because it absolutely supports what I say about midlife being a state of mind, not just an age, a state of mind.
This woman dances. She’s engaged in her community. She’s living her life. And she’s about to get a whole brand-new smacking home with all new furniture. It’s not too late. It’s not too late. She is a true maven. Her name is Jackie and I admire her so much; just a true maven.
And so, what’s your excuse? We have none. We do not have an excuse. We are the only thing in our way and we are going to let that shit go. True mavens do that. We keep reinventing ourselves, keep redefining ourselves. We stay curious about life and we go after what we want. Why wouldn’t we?
This show is not for the complacent. This show is not for the stuck who want to stay stuck. This is for the women who want to continue making life moves, who want to continue doing the things that scare you and excite you. I call it scared-cited. That’s who this show is for.
So, again, let me know what your big scary thing is. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. And also, don’t forget to let me know how you feel about the show by leaving a rating and review. The instructions for that are in show notes also. And I’m not sure, you may be hearing this episode – I can’t remember if you’ll hear this episode after Thanksgiving or on Thanksgiving, but the whole month of November is the gratitude month, and December is too.
So, go forth, women, be grateful but not complacent. Be thankful, but still stay on the mission to live your lest life. It’s the holiday season. Don’t carry the weight of the holidays on your shoulders. Spread that joy. Spread the work. Okay, alright, and remember, mavens, living well is the only option.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Midlife Woman Redefined. If you’re ready to learn more and reclaim your time, head over to crenecoach.com.