I’m sharing wisdom gained from my decade of fifty. Today I’m talking about one of my favorite lessons and foundational coaching messages:
Divorce yourself from (specific) outcome.
And it’s the specificity of our desires that trip us up. Values and soul-supporting boundaries are one thing. Blinding yourself to possibility because it’s not wrapped in the package you expected or requested is another.
You want to be married, but you dismiss ‘The One’ because he’s 5’7″ instead of 6’5″. You want a new home and you over-extend your budget to get the mega-mansion and turn your nose up at the cute cottage in the friendly neighborhood. You want to travel, but your partner’s a homebody or your girlfriends won’t commit which nixes it for you.
I’m not saying you should settle. I’m saying that you won’t be truly happy until you’re clear on what exactly you want.
Do you want love that lasts or a 6’5″ partner? Do you want a home that provides comfort, security, and community without financial burden or a house that requires more upkeep than you imagined? Do you want to expand your horizons or let other people’s desires (or fears!) determine what you experience?
This was validated for me in two ways this week:
- during an epic girlfriend trip to see the phenomenal Williams Sisters play at the U.S. Open. Something I set upper our tournament experience didn’t come through the way I planned and I almost let it bum me out until my girlfriends reminded me why we were there (to enjoy a fabulous time checking off a dream goal) and that a detail change wasn’t going to spoil that…and it didn’t! The (true) mission was accomplished.
- getting this beautiful message from a client: “…Sometimes we measure success by what we can see. We have desired outcomes and often times if they don’t look like what we have in mind or what we have identified as success we question our impact. But all the while change is happening right where it needs to. On the inside. My inner infrastructure is stronger because of my work with you…”
I love helping clients get outcome divorces. It’s why my coaching retreats have artsy/creativity themes to teach women how you can become the designer, architect, and creator of whatEVER you want to manifest in your life. Let me know when you’re ready.
For more midlife goodness, join us here in The Midlife Manifest, my free facebook group for women living their It’s My Time chapter.
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