I got some shocking news today and there’s a message in it for all of us. Didn’t want to hold it until next week and hope you take five minutes to listen.
As some of you know, I’m a Frida Kahlo FANatic. Her persistence and resilience in living life on her own terms and artistry, through tremendous physical pain, heartache, and all manner of trials, inspires me. My first solo-hosted retreat, the Paint Your Own Reality Retreat, centered around a Frida art exhibit in St. Petersburg, FL. It was a wonderfully impactful weekend of women connecting to the inner artist we all possess to design (and live!) the life we crave.
Recently, after enjoying a cuppa coffee in a Frida mug, I checked the bottom for cleaning instructions and laughed out loud when I saw the message, ‘FOR BEST RESULTS, USE OTHER SIDE’. Who would use this side to drink from?? LOL
Then, I realized how often we metaphorically do this: pouring our time, attention, and love into what can’t take it, receive it, or respect it. We live in the futility of defined insanity…doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting a different result. Looking outside of ourselves for answers that rarely come, because our answers are within. In. The. Mirror. Reflecting on who we are and who we want to be, always brings The Answer. That nudge for something different that won’t leave you be is your ‘other side’ that it’s time to use for best results.
It’s February, the month dedicated to all things LOVE. I’m suggesting you give yourself permission to focus on Self-Love. Truth bomb:
LOVING YOURSELF IS RESPECTING YOURSELF. PRIORITIZING YOURSELF IS HONORING THE BLESSING OF YOUR EXISTENCE AND EXPANDS YOUR CAPACITY TO GIVE, CONTRIBUTE, AND LOVE BEYOND SELF.
Start with writing a love letter to yourself. If that sounds intimidating, make it a love note. Speak in the voice of your 90-year old self (or whatever age you can imagine yourself, ten or more years from now), compassionately celebrating your life lived fully and completely…no dream left on the table. I’m doing it too and will share mine next week. I’d LOVE to see yours. And to give you an extra nudge, my LOVE gift to you is a free coaching call for the first five women who send me your self-love letter for coaching on how to make those dreams come true. Now that’s better than chocolates and chocolate is my jam!
P.S. Just made one of my dreams come true! I’m collaborating with two BadAss women I adore and respect (Tonya Hill Allen and Gwendolyn Madison Hall) on helping people end career misery (men included on this one!). Our new company is Career Triage HQ and official registration for our masterclass on February 19th is open! You may be out of the corporate rat race, but you probably know someone who’s not and who’s suffering in frustration. Point them to the Career Triage Masterclass, right here. It’s online and spots are limited.
Mom used to say, “Girl, you always take the hard road!” And as we say in the south, She ain’t nevva lied! LOL!! I used to see this as a negative. Now, I see it as not giving up on myself. That has been especially true on this entrepreneurial journey. It’s absolutely been an up/down/sideways path. Many times I thought I had it figured out. Many more times I’ve wanted to give up. And God always sends a sign: keep going. And I do:
Surrender (to God’s plan).
Trust my nudges.
Detach from specific outcome.
I finally get it, mom! And for those of you still searching for your next chapter IT, don’t give up. Purposeful intention and action will lead you to IT. Last week I proposed we stop ‘killing time’. This week I’m proposing we do kill our darlings IF they’re keeping us from our bigger YES. The darling I killed? My podcast. I loved it! So many of you told me you did too (thank you!!), but…
“‘Killing your darlings’ is an old piece of advice sometimes given to aspiring writers. You have to get rid of your most precious and especially self-indulgent passages for the greater good of your literary work. “
…it was a ‘darling’ holding me back from my bigger Yes: high impact coaching in a way that gives me more bucket list time and freedom. I do believe it’s a crime to sit on your gift AND I don’t want it to suffocate me either. WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT? Don’t be afraid release some darlings and go for it. This is our Braver Bolder Better year!! Embrace the journey. Yes, it can be hard… and hard to get to best is The Best!
#MidlifeWomanRedefined #BraverBolderBetter #LTSG!
P.S. My bigger Yes (in partnership with phenoms, Tonya Allen and Gwen Hall) launches later this week!! Career Triage is an online masterclass that helps mid-career professionals rehab a career on life support. Even if you’re in rewirement, you probably know someone who could benefit. Do share! See details here. Oh, and the great thing about podcasts? They may end, but they don’t go away. Check out the 29 episodes of Midlife Woman Redefined here.
P.P.S. I’m obsessed with BraverBolderBetter women who never give up on living their best lives! This week, I’m featuring 70 yr old, Bold and Powerful, Dorothy Harris. Read about her amazingness, here.
P.P.P.S. Who caught the title source? Take a few minutes for a throwback dance break, here.
Something I see in so many women who are in this midlife stage is a fear of failure holding them back from doing amazing things. Now, I understand fear. I experience it myself. But what I have also learned is that taking big leaps in the face of fear, if it doesn’t produce something good, it always at least produces a life-changing lesson.
I’ve messed up my fair share of times. And I know you have too. And I also know that, if you really think about it, each of your failures will have taught you something amazing down the road. So I’m sharing some tips today to help you see what it is you have learned from your failures, so you don’t let them get in the way of trying something big in the future.
“The time I kill is killing me.“ ~ Mason Cooley
It was going to be a quick run in the museum shop to get a gift, but when I got to the door, I found out there was a 15 minute wait until it opened. I immediately thought, ‘I have 15 minutes to kill.’ and reached for my cell phone. Dang! Left it in the car.
I could move my body by walking around the plaza, but my cute-heeled boots weren’t conducive for that kind of walking.
I could strike up a conversation with one of the other people waiting, but wasn’t feeling like forced conversation.
As I continued to explore my time options, it came to me that ‘killing time’ is a pretty dumb thing to say and do. Why not LIVE time instead? In 15 minutes, you can…
make out with your honey…
have a great conversation with your friend OR a stranger…
listen to a TED talk…
get fifteen minutes further in that book you want to finish…
purge some clothes to donate…
play with a child…
write a thank you note…
choose your next vacay location…
make a gratitude list…
make a list of (YOUR) accomplishments (tremendously affirming!)…
write the outline for that book in your head…
And what did I do to LIVE my 15 minutes of museum opening wait time? I mentally scribed this blog.
Addendum: Subsequent to creating this blog post, I saw the horribly sad news of the deaths of basketball great, Kobe Bryant, his daughter and the three other people. I pray their last 15 minutes were happy.
We. Do. Not. Have. Time. To. Kill.
LIVE with life-affirming intention, everyday!
P.S. Another great way to spend (a little over) 15 minutes: Listen to the Midlife Woman Redefined podcast here. THE FINAL (for now!) EPISODE is about worry and fail and drops Wednesday!!
P.P.S. And if you’re ready to jumpstart that life-affirming living, click here to see the work-with-me options. I’m only taking the Brave and the Bold who MUST get to their Better!
Last week, I gave you part one of my list of lessons for the decade of 2020. This week, I want to bring you the remaining 10 nuggets of inspiration that will have you living bolder and better for the next 10 years.
At this time in our lives, it’s so easy to get caught up in what other people want you to be and letting yourself take a backseat. That’s not what we’re about over here. We are only in a position to serve others once we have taken care of ourselves, and the lessons I’m sharing today will help you figure out exactly who you are and what you want from midlife.
I had a client recently who, it turns out, has been taking note of a lot of the things I have said to her. She carries them around to remind herself of them when she needs a little reminder. So, I thought I’d do the same for you today.
We are entering a new decade, and it’s time to make sure we are living the best way we know how. No more apologizing for going after what you want and no more putting everyone else first. This is our decade, mavens.
“I started to realize that doing everything the same way hadn’t been working out too well.” ~ Sheriff Longmire (Netflix series, Longmire)
We make life soooo much harder than it needs to be, don’t we? And I believe it’s because we confuse simple with easy.
We know exactly what to do to live a healthy and abundantly joyful life (Yes, you do!). Yet…we move forward, then stumble back. We want it to be easy. Let that delusion go! Because guess what? Doing ‘the simple-maybe-not-easy’ things on automatic is what brings the ease we crave. We build ‘best life’ muscles. My plan:
- Get (and) keep my mind set on what powers me up.
- Follow my inner compass.
- Live life-fueling habits, as joyfully as possible.
- Help others.
- Repeat daily.
This is our time! Keep it simple.
P.S. Be sure to catch me on the free podcast, Midlife Woman Redefined, here.
P.P.S. Go see the movie, Just Mercy, and strongly consider supporting the work of the Equal Justice Initiative (EJI).
I was watching a show recently about interesting real-life love stories. And while the show was enjoyable, there was no representation of black women and their experiences of modern dating. I complained about it for a while, but then I decided, because black women fall in love just like everybody else, I have a unique opportunity to showcase that reality right here on the podcast!
On the first edition of my Black Women in Love series I have the fabulous Karen Beverly. Karen is a dear friend of mine; she lives life on her terms, and I’ve been so lucky to have her in my life. Karen got divorced when she was young, then put her life on hold to adopt and raise a child. Then, when she reached midlife, she took it upon herself to open up to something she’d never considered before, and what happened was truly magical.
As promised, here are the last ten Rene-isms (if you missed the first ten, click here). And if you’re ready to live your Best Life-isms, click here to see the work-with-me options. I’m only taking the Brave and the Bold who MUST get to their Better!
- Self-love is not selfish…it’s high octane fuel. Sitting on your dreams…THAT’s selfishness.
- Keep your Attention on your INtention.
- Money is simply an energy exchange. God has all the money.
- When I truly surrender, my life takes flight.
- What lights me up, illuminates my path. I follow love.
- A decision is a choice, not a life sentence. I can always change my mind.
- Everything good to do isn’t good for ME to do.
- Never be afraid to seek the mirror and look into the mirror. It’s ALL information.
- I’m not privy to God’s plan, and that makes life and death arbitrary in my limited vision. Therefore, I choose to dream and live in the NOW. And if I’m not dead, it’s not too late.
- Faith, Family, Friends…NOTHING is more important.
Bonus: Living in peace doesn’t negate speaking my piece.
P.S. Be sure to catch me on the free podcast, Midlife Woman Redefined, here. This week’s episode features friend and Renaissance Woman, Karen Beverly as part of my new series, Black Women In Love!
P.P.S. Birmingham surrounding area peeps, here’s a great opportunity to attend a FANTABULOUS women’s conference. It’s the Momentum biennial leadership conference March 11-12. Early-bird registration for this fantastic 2-day event ends TODAY, Jan. 5th. After that date, individual tickets go from $360 to $450!
Gwen Hall, Tonya Allen and moi will be leading one of the breakout sessions (The Feedback Factor) and we want to personally encourage you to attend Alabama’s largest leadership conference, open to professional women and men of any career level. Don’t. Miss. It!!